I read a story today about a woman who found the perfect guy – sympathetic, kind, seemingly big-hearted, sexually amazing, and heartbroken by an ex who didn’t appreciate him (which is why he left her). Their romance was hot and heavy for awhile…until she looked him up on Facebook and found out that he was married. In fact, he had been married this entire time…to the ‘ex’ whom he claimed to have left.
Needless to stay, when he came over that night, she confronted him. He admitted everything, but with sympathetic qualifiers, “We’re having problems,” “We haven’t had sex in forever,” etc. She kicked him out right there. Good for you, girl.
But I asked myself, how could such a thing happen? How could he have pulled the wool over her eyes so completely and for so long? I asked it because similar things have happened to me. I think we all have been in her spot at some point in her life. Duped by someone in whom we placed fragile trust. So why is that we go partially truth-blind when we hear what we want from whom we want?
The woman in the story mentally replayed the events leading up to her revelation. And she noticed quirks. When she suggested meeting at his place, he’d refuse, saying her place was neater, closer, whatever. She never met any of his friends. Or family. And he was only available at certain times.
Looking back, she realized his actions were SHOUTING the truth. His words were one thing – they were sweet honey, designed to be exactly what she craved. For all the cleverness of his words, he couldn’t mask the truth of his actions. Because actions are ‘must-do’s’, the unavoidable part of truth. Even the best liars DO differently than what they say. They can’t escape the actions they do differently than their lies. And that’s bound to leave signs, trails, consequences, etc.
I’m dealing with something similar in a few areas of my life, and I thought this story was a great reminder to listen to ACTIONS not words. No matter how sweet the words are, if the actions aren’t as sweet, proceed with extreme caution. A sad warning, but a necessary one. If I get up the courage, I’ll post a little more detail about my conundrum. But that’s for another night, dear reader. Whoever you are.
More thoughts to come…